We Believe in:

1. Strict adherence to the Declaration of Independence and U.S. and Texas Constitutions. Ok, so far so good. Nothing strange here.

2. Preserving American Freedom and Texas Sovereignty. Again, nothing really out of the ordinary.

3. Limiting the expanse of Government Power. Nothing wrong with limiting government power.

4. The sanctity of human life, created in the image of God, which should be protected from fertilization to natural death. Ok, wait. What?! So, I’m reading this as no abortions. Period. Also, I think they should specify which God they are talking about or this could get this into some trouble later down the road. Should read: God of the King James Bible as to avoid any confusion or lawsuits.

5. Personal Accountability and Responsibility. Good and good. I like both of these.

6. Self-sufficient families, founded on the traditional marriage of a natural man and a natural woman. Anyone else see anything strange about the phrase “natural man and natural woman”? I’m assuming this means that there should be no marriage between transgender folks. WTF?

7. Having an educated population, with parents having the freedom of choice for the education of their children. Nothing too bad here.

8. Americans having the right to be safe in their homes, on their streets, and in their communities, and the unalienable right to defend themselves. I’m actually OK with this one, too.

9. A free enterprise society unencumbered by government interference or subsidies. Ok, a state has the right to do what it wants with it’s own enterprise. Let them rich bastards keep their money. Fine.

10. Restoring American sovereignty and leadership, and we honor all of those that serve and protect our freedom with peace through strength. Nice and fine.

Now, what does all of this have to do with oral sex, Alice?

Let’s keep reading, shall we?

Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA) – We oppose this act through which the federal government would coerce religious business owners and employees to violate their own beliefs and principles by affirming what they consider to be sinful and sexually immoral behavior.

In other words, let’s make it legal to avoid hiring homosexuals. We don’t need no fags working in our places of business.

Neither the United States nor any state shall recognize or grant to any unmarried person the legal rights or status of a spouse. We oppose the recognition of and granting of benefits to people who represent themselves as domestic partners without being legally married.

Wow. Just wow. So not only Texas should ban gay marriage, but the entire United States has to, as well. Also, no domestic partnership rights or benefits of any sort.

Let’s keep reading, shall we?

We support legislation that would make it a felony to issue a marriage license to a same-sex couple and for any civil official to perform a marriage ceremony for such.

That’s horrible.” But Alice,” you say, “you promised me oral sex“. Ok, ok, you’re right. Let’s move on.

We oppose the legalization of sodomy. We demand that Congress exercise its authority
granted by the U.S. Constitution to withhold jurisdiction from the federal courts from cases involving sodomy.

According to Webster, Sodomy is defined as: anal or oral copulation with a member of the same or opposite sex; also : copulation with an animal.

Really, Texax? You want to make oral sex illegal and to make it so that the federal government cannot overturn your law? Really? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING? YOU CANNOT POSSIBLY BE SERIOUS.

And there’s this:

We oppose sale and use of the dangerous “Morning After Pill”.

Texas GOP, you should really have done your research before you added that one in. Not that it would really matter. The morning after pill, in case you didn’t know is actually just a high dose of birth control. It IS NOT THE ABORTION PILL. Also, if you are calling the Morning After Pill dangerous, then you are calling the birth control pill dangerous.

DUMBASSES.

Since I am obviously about to throw up at this point, I’ll just add one more quote.

We support reducing the time, bureaucratic interference and cost of adoption. The law should assure mothers of a choice in selecting a traditional home for their children at the time of terminating their rights for adoption. We oppose mandatory open adoption and adoption by homosexuals.

These fuck ups in Texas would rather see a child stay in a foster home or abusive situation than have that child be adopted by loving homosexual parents.

Nice.

That’s only half of the platform. You can read the rest here if you want. I wouldn’t suggest doing it on a full stomach though.

Just shoot me,

Oh yeah – and an easy excused absence.

In one of the wussiest moves by authority figures ever seen,  the Ouachita Parish and Monroe City School Superintendents have both decided to bow out of making what could be seen as an unpopular decision, and make the school principals responsible for deciding whether or not to allow students to attend the event and receive an excused absence.

“The deal is, it’s a simple matter,” founder James Bertrand said Monday. “It’s voluntary. If you don’t want to be there, keep your mouth closed and go somewhere else.”

Where, Mr. Bertrand? School? I don’t think so. If some students are going to be excused, then all should be.

Can I organize a “Friends of the Flying Spaghetti Monster” rally or a “Buddies for Buddha” rally the same day? Will kids be excused for that, too?

According to your own literature:

“Students have the right to pray, evangelize, read
scripture, distribute literature, and invite fellow students
to participate so long as it is voluntary; it is not
disruptive or coercive and that it occurs during noninstructional time.”

I think that we can all concede that this is, in fact, during instructional time.

Also, this:

“Subject to applicable state laws, students may be able to
attend off-campus religious instruction provided that
schools do not encourage or discourage participation or
penalize those who do not attend.”

This section does not state that the school is allowed to provide excused absences for students who are attending such “off-campus religious instruction.”

And this:

“Subject to applicable state laws, students may be able
to obtain an excuse absence for the observance of
religious holidays.”

As far as I know, April 22nd is not a religious holiday.

Aside from the blatant 1st Amendment issues – realistically speaking – how will this thing be policed? How will school officials know which students are really attending?

In previous Just for Jesus rallies, students were bussed in using state funded school buses.

That’s right. You and I paid for high school kids in Baton Rouge to attend a Jesus rally during school hours.

If students are not bused in, then how will principals know whether your kid was worshiping or playing World of Warcraft? If you’re going to give the kids a day off, give them a day off. Don’t bother with the religious stuff. Take a lesson from principal Bob Sampson and give the kids a Sun Day, instead.

Lest you are concerned that I am spewing forth anti-Jesus hatred, let me assure you that I have no qualm with Jesus. Actually, I think he’s great. To quote Ghandi, “I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. They are so unlike your Christ.”

I am, though, here to explain to the other citizens of this fine area that by constitutional law, no one is required to be associated with any one religion. A lot of you seem to forget that.

And allowing these particular students an excused absence, would mean allowing other absences for any other religious event. Is that what you want? Do you really want students to get an excused absence for attending my Friends of the Flying Spaghetti Monster rally?

I get the distinct felling that many of your would be up in arms if our students were allowed an excused absence to attend a “Women for Wicca” rally. During school hours.

The point is this: Either all religions should be excused or none of them.

Period.

Not all Monroe natives are Christians. And whether you think they all should be is irrelevant. Not only that, it’s unconstitutional.

Let me break it down for you another way.

Here’s a handy flow chart.

In case you’re still confused, here’s the bottom line:

If you are going to excuse school for a rally about Jesus, you must excuse school for other religious groups.

Principals: Students should be allowed to attend this rally if they provide a permission slip. However, it should not be an excused absence.

God bless!

In his article, Mr. Roberts explains that he does not tip the local wait staff at places such as Coda or Kyoto, even if he receives excellent service.  He thinks that it should be up to the restaurants to pay its employees a livable wage.

I can’t begin to illustrate the many ways that this article is offensive to our local servers – I’ll let you read the comments to his article for that. However, I can express my outrage that ULM has allowed this piece to be published even though it contains blatant racial remarks.

In his article, Mr. Roberts writes about his time as a Big Star Grocery employee -  “Just imagine swaths of gleeful minorities all coming to shop on the same day, and you get to carry out truckloads of free groceries for them, and then find a way to stuff everything into their cars which are already full from every other store they looted at the beginning of the month.”

Clearly, Mr. Roberts does not like the fact that minorities are allowed to use food stamps and implies that they are “looting” stores when their welfare checks come out.

Wow.

Such a loaded statement for an article about tipping. It makes me wonder why Mr. Roberts would even be compelled to use that statement in his article in the first place.

Maybe he thinks that controversial articles get more publicity. If this is the case, he would be correct.

Maybe he really does think that food stamps and tipping are related. In this case, he is still correct – if no one tipped their servers, many of them would be forced to apply for food stamps.

However, I tend to believe in the principle of Occam’s razor. The simplest explanation for this phenomenon is that Joseph Roberts is a racist wanker.

And the ULM staff who allowed this article to be published? I’ll let you decide.

I would not hire a young man or woman whose body looked like a road-map! If they don`t respect the body the lord blessed them with, I have no use for them! – rickpaul

And then there’s this:

Life ain’t fair! Thats just the way it is. When I interview employees, experience, education, qualifications are a starting place. Attitude and being able to work with others, communication and the ability to understand what their role in my organization count equally. I see visible tatoos, probably not going to hire them, same thing for excessive piercings. Just shows me this individual has trouble with authority and is most likely somewhat rebellious. There are other places where this might be acceptable or they can start their own business. – imagine13

And this one…

I would not want the illustrated man/woman setting in front of a customer trying to make a sale for me!

Tats, the ones that are visible, send messages to those that hire. You may have a PHD, but if you are covered in tats that show outside your clothing, you don’t work in for me or 99% of the mainline businesses in the world.

If all a woman wants to be in her life is a burger flipper, bar tender, or other minimum wage earner, then by all means, tat away! But if you want your daughters, girlfriends etc. to make the best life for themselves and their families, they should set an example. – Ellalab

That last one is particularly offensive to me. The idea that a tattooed woman can only be a minimum wage earner is just absurd!  Are you a tattooed professional?  Do you have trouble getting a job because of visible tattoos?  I would love to hear some sounding off here.   Ellalab is way off the mark in stating that 99% of mainline business do not hire people with visible tattoos.

What’s your opinion.  Is this discrimination or just good business sense?

Personally, I think these people are narrow-minded idiots.  I would much rather have a creative, talented and intelligent tattooed person work for me than someone less qualified who had no visible body art.

Feel free to leave your profession and number of tats in the comments area.

By the way, The photo above is of Dr. Dave, a medical doctor with private general medicine practice in New York City. Many of Dr. Dave’s tattoos have a medical theme. A caduceus, the symbol of medicine, sits on his right arm – although a woman replaces the traditional staff. The letters “MD” are tattoed on his back, while a skull with a red medical cross (the symbol of Dr. Dave’s motorcycle club of health professionals) decorates his left shoulder.

This doctor does have full sleeves.

Don’t forget to leave a comment with your opinion and just for giggles check out the post below about women and sex…the comments are hysterical.

Kisses!

The way to keep abortion down is to teach women in America to not have sex before marriage.

- Melvin “Dusty” Woolsey

You can read the entire post here.

Wow.

Dr. Mr. Woolsey,

I’m not sure that I understand your plan to “keep abortion down” correctly.  Exactly how do you propose to “teach women in America not to have sex before marriage?”  Church, perhaps?  Maybe a cult-like brainwashing program of some sort? Chastity belts for the ultimate in male control?

While I am sure that what you are intending is the “saving” of unborn babies, your methods are quite stupifiying.  Since you did not mention anything about teaching males not having sex before marriage, I can only assume that you are supporting the right of the red-blooded American male to have sex with as many sheep/pigs (rest in peace P-Pie) as he likes, since that is the only option that you are offering.

If what you intended to say was that we could avoid abortions by having all members of society abstain from sex before marriage, I am sure that you realize the absurdity of your plan by now, as you must be at least a hundred years old.

You seem to be implying that a woman who is married would never want to have an abortion.  You must be a real ladies man to have such a valuable insight into the female mind.  You should probably write a book.

Good luck with your “teaching women” plan.  I wish you the best in all your ignorant endeavors.

love and kisses!