Jul 15 2010

The Coda Debate and the Great Divide

Category: Local GoodnessAlice @ 8:07 pm

overpriced drinksI have long been a supporter of local bands in this area, even enough to have visited The Blue Monkey and its date rape bathroom on many, many occasions. The local music and arts scene in Monroe is one of the best things that this town has going for it. I think our music and art is so great because all of us have grown up in such a repressive town full of lameness that our creativity can’t help but come bursting out.

Makes sense to me, at least.

In the last few days, there has been a large and public war between several local musicians and Coda Bar and Grill. There has even been a Musicians Against Coda facebook page set up, that already, after only a couple of days, has over 160 fans.

The general complaint is that many of the bands who have played at Coda feel as though they have been cheated on the money that was taken at the door.

I, personally, can only attest to one incident of this happening, since I don’t generally go to Coda to hear bands. The case that I am referring to is Rhoda Brown’s birthday party when The Downtown Wigs (awesome band!) played. I saw for myself how many people came in the door that night and I actually sat for a while and watched the guy who was “taking the money at the door.”

My friends from out of town were there to see Rhoda. They had never even been to Coda before, but since we were sitting near the door, they kept their eye on “door money” guy as well. If I remember correctly, the statement from my friend Jesse was, “Why does he keep leaving his post? Oh, maybe he keeps going to the bathroom for some blow.”

This guy did not stay at the door. People were streaming in constantly and the place was packed. It wasn’t until several days later that I heard about The Downtown Wigs getting completely kind of screwed on the money situation. Which really sucks because A: they are awesome and B: they were only playing because it was Rhoda’s birthday.

Since this is my one and only personal account on this argument, I tend to think that these musicians against Coda might have a point. When you’ve been playing gigs for a while, you can take a look at the crowd and make a pretty good guess at what the take will be that night. When you see a packed house and you get paid for about 17 people, something’s fishy.

On a purely personal note, I’ve been watching the discussions on the Facebook page and whoever was posting in the name of Coda was getting pretty nasty. From a PR standpoint, getting nasty with your customers in a public venue that can be CTRL + PRTSC’ed all over town is a pretty bad fucking move.

Here’s a quote:

HA! DAM! We actually hope every other band as crappy as Revamp does boycott us. You guys should take that 13 dollars you earned and you and your groupies can hit up the waffle house because you can’t afford to eat or drink in our establishment. Maybe you can play there too. And if any other crappy local bands have a …problem with us feel free to comment. That’s why we love facebook too.

I’m not really sure what their problem is with Revamp, but a couple days ago, they were offering free shots to anyone who came into the bar and said “Revamp sucks”. Way to honor the local music scene guys. Super fucking professional.

The admin of the Coda facebook page has made it known that their business plan caters to a certain clientele. This is why they overcharge for their food. ( I do have to say, though, I love their red beans and rice.) The problem with that is, the clientele that they are aiming for is not the ones who keep them in business on the weekend nights when bands are playing and they are drinking.

Hell, I would have saved up for a week if I had had to so that I could go hear The Downtown Wigs play there. It’s not about the money. Anyway, we all know that the hoochies in the short skirts and g-strings who are standing outside the door on Friday and Saturday nights are where the bulk of the money is coming from. I’ve seen many a guy buy an overpriced drink for a hoochie in a short skirt.

The venue is absolutely gorgeous. I love going to The Rising Sun, but the damn door is never open. I was told about 3 months ago that they are doing a revamp (ha!) on the whole she-bang, but I really don’t know what is going on there. Coda is a place that I would be proud to bring my out of town guests. It’s beautiful and the food doesn’t suck too bad as long as you can afford it. The drinks are over priced and I have had some really crappy service there, but the atmosphere makes up for it.

What the oh-so- beautiful atmosphere does not make up for, however, is DOUCHE BAG comments such as the ones left on Facebook (most of which have been deleted, btw). It also does not make up for the non-professionalism of the owner who feels the need to act out on Facebook in such as childish manner.

As of today, the Coda page has made an apology. Somehow, I don’t buy it. I’m not saying I’m never going to eat their red beans and rice again, but I will never go see another band play there. Most of the bands I like don’t play there, anyway. I’ll stick to Enoch’s, thank you very much.  The Jeters have somehow managed to create a place where hippies and hoochis alike can come and drink and enjoy some music. If I went out more, I would probably be all over Tsunami. I have a lot of respect for the local bands who play there and people like Donnie who are doing everything they can to help out local musicians.

As far as you, Coda, you just lost my respect. I truly hope that you get your managerial problems worked out and learn how to act in a professional manner. I love your building, but I hate your fucking attitude.

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Mar 15 2010

Why He Doesn’t Tip: Twat-Wafflery at it’s Finest

Category: Exploiting the IdiocracyAlice @ 1:27 pm

Egg RacismToday an article was published in The Hawkeye (ULM’s newspaper – formerly the PowWow) entitled Why I Don’t Tip. It is unclear whether the author, Joseph Roberts, is on staff at ULM or merely a student, but this much is startlingly clear:  he is an asshat.

In his article, Mr. Roberts explains that he does not tip the local wait staff at places such as Coda or Kyoto, even if he receives excellent service.  He thinks that it should be up to the restaurants to pay its employees a livable wage.

I can’t begin to illustrate the many ways that this article is offensive to our local servers – I’ll let you read the comments to his article for that. However, I can express my outrage that ULM has allowed this piece to be published even though it contains blatant racial remarks.

In his article, Mr. Roberts writes about his time as a Big Star Grocery employee -  “Just imagine swaths of gleeful minorities all coming to shop on the same day, and you get to carry out truckloads of free groceries for them, and then find a way to stuff everything into their cars which are already full from every other store they looted at the beginning of the month.”

Clearly, Mr. Roberts does not like the fact that minorities are allowed to use food stamps and implies that they are “looting” stores when their welfare checks come out.

Wow.

Such a loaded statement for an article about tipping. It makes me wonder why Mr. Roberts would even be compelled to use that statement in his article in the first place.

Maybe he thinks that controversial articles get more publicity. If this is the case, he would be correct.

Maybe he really does think that food stamps and tipping are related. In this case, he is still correct – if no one tipped their servers, many of them would be forced to apply for food stamps.

However, I tend to believe in the principle of Occam’s razor. The simplest explanation for this phenomenon is that Joseph Roberts is a racist wanker.

And the ULM staff who allowed this article to be published? I’ll let you decide.

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Jan 20 2010

An Ode to the Crack Whore Gas Station Attendant

Category: Local GoodnessAlice @ 6:22 pm

gas stationDear Crack Whore Gas Station Attendant,

I love you the most.

You don’t try to engage me in conversation at 6am when all I want in the world is some caffeine.

You mumble the amount of purchase, avert your eyes and take my money – thus making the world exactly how it should be.

Though your thong may be visible and you may be so high that you think my purple handbag is giant cat that I am holding, I don’t judge.

And you don’t judge my early morning purchase of $3.87 of Unleaded and a Ding Dong.

You are so much better than:

1. Young white guys who think they’re black:

Put your hat on straight and pull up your pants. You look like an idiot.  Stop acting like you are from the hood. I saw your green 08 Corolla with the Bayou Desiard Country Club sticker parked out front. You are embarrassing yourself.

2. Middle aged black people who like to talk about the Lord.

I understand that you feel blessed and happy at 6am, but please respect the fact that I am only holding back a big “Fuck You” by the grace of the deepest reaches of my inbred Southern charm.  You tell me I look like an angel from heaven until you notice my tattoos and begin looking worried about my soul.  By all means, pray for me. Put me on the list. But please just give me my fucking coffee first.

3. Old mean and nasty white women.

Any unfortunate soul who has traveled down Louisville Avenue near the bridge and wanted a morning coffee and paper knows exactly who I am talking about.  You are a legend. You are mean and nasty and deserve to die.  Don’t look at me as if I just ate your only unborn baby when I am just trying to buy a fucking cup of coffee.  I didn’t do anything to you.  Fuck off.

4. Young white guys who think they’re funny.

You are the worst.  I avoid the Shell station at Well Road because of you. I can fully assure you that I am not impressed by your Cartman impersonation.  Don’t comment about my t-shirt, don’t tell me you like my tattoo and please, please don’t try to charm me with your witty banter.  I don’t care that you have a wheat penny. You are neither witty nor charming and I don’t like you.  Stop trying to talk to me and just give me my damn Swiss Cake Roll.

Muah!

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Jul 22 2009

Exploiting the Idiocracy

Category: Exploiting the IdiocracyAlice @ 7:57 pm

I wanted to begin this blog with something positive about our town.  Perhaps the Moonlight Gardens..or a feature on the Living Fountain that visited here last week.  However, while reading the News Star today, my mood took a different, uglier turn when I read this:

The way to keep abortion down is to teach women in America to not have sex before marriage.

- Melvin “Dusty” Woolsey

You can read the entire post here.

Wow.

Dr. Mr. Woolsey,

I’m not sure that I understand your plan to “keep abortion down” correctly.  Exactly how do you propose to “teach women in America not to have sex before marriage?”  Church, perhaps?  Maybe a cult-like brainwashing program of some sort? Chastity belts for the ultimate in male control?

While I am sure that what you are intending is the “saving” of unborn babies, your methods are quite stupifiying.  Since you did not mention anything about teaching males not having sex before marriage, I can only assume that you are supporting the right of the red-blooded American male to have sex with as many sheep/pigs (rest in peace P-Pie) as he likes, since that is the only option that you are offering.

If what you intended to say was that we could avoid abortions by having all members of society abstain from sex before marriage, I am sure that you realize the absurdity of your plan by now, as you must be at least a hundred years old.

You seem to be implying that a woman who is married would never want to have an abortion.  You must be a real ladies man to have such a valuable insight into the female mind.  You should probably write a book.

Good luck with your “teaching women” plan.  I wish you the best in all your ignorant endeavors.

love and kisses!

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