Oh yeah – and an easy excused absence.

In one of the wussiest moves by authority figures ever seen,  the Ouachita Parish and Monroe City School Superintendents have both decided to bow out of making what could be seen as an unpopular decision, and make the school principals responsible for deciding whether or not to allow students to attend the event and receive an excused absence.

“The deal is, it’s a simple matter,” founder James Bertrand said Monday. “It’s voluntary. If you don’t want to be there, keep your mouth closed and go somewhere else.”

Where, Mr. Bertrand? School? I don’t think so. If some students are going to be excused, then all should be.

Can I organize a “Friends of the Flying Spaghetti Monster” rally or a “Buddies for Buddha” rally the same day? Will kids be excused for that, too?

According to your own literature:

“Students have the right to pray, evangelize, read
scripture, distribute literature, and invite fellow students
to participate so long as it is voluntary; it is not
disruptive or coercive and that it occurs during noninstructional time.”

I think that we can all concede that this is, in fact, during instructional time.

Also, this:

“Subject to applicable state laws, students may be able to
attend off-campus religious instruction provided that
schools do not encourage or discourage participation or
penalize those who do not attend.”

This section does not state that the school is allowed to provide excused absences for students who are attending such “off-campus religious instruction.”

And this:

“Subject to applicable state laws, students may be able
to obtain an excuse absence for the observance of
religious holidays.”

As far as I know, April 22nd is not a religious holiday.

Aside from the blatant 1st Amendment issues – realistically speaking – how will this thing be policed? How will school officials know which students are really attending?

In previous Just for Jesus rallies, students were bussed in using state funded school buses.

That’s right. You and I paid for high school kids in Baton Rouge to attend a Jesus rally during school hours.

If students are not bused in, then how will principals know whether your kid was worshiping or playing World of Warcraft? If you’re going to give the kids a day off, give them a day off. Don’t bother with the religious stuff. Take a lesson from principal Bob Sampson and give the kids a Sun Day, instead.

Lest you are concerned that I am spewing forth anti-Jesus hatred, let me assure you that I have no qualm with Jesus. Actually, I think he’s great. To quote Ghandi, “I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. They are so unlike your Christ.”

I am, though, here to explain to the other citizens of this fine area that by constitutional law, no one is required to be associated with any one religion. A lot of you seem to forget that.

And allowing these particular students an excused absence, would mean allowing other absences for any other religious event. Is that what you want? Do you really want students to get an excused absence for attending my Friends of the Flying Spaghetti Monster rally?

I get the distinct felling that many of your would be up in arms if our students were allowed an excused absence to attend a “Women for Wicca” rally. During school hours.

The point is this: Either all religions should be excused or none of them.

Period.

Not all Monroe natives are Christians. And whether you think they all should be is irrelevant. Not only that, it’s unconstitutional.

Let me break it down for you another way.

Here’s a handy flow chart.

In case you’re still confused, here’s the bottom line:

If you are going to excuse school for a rally about Jesus, you must excuse school for other religious groups.

Principals: Students should be allowed to attend this rally if they provide a permission slip. However, it should not be an excused absence.

God bless!

Sometimes I find myself listening to conservative talk radio, alone in the car, just to pull myself out of  a rut.  I get all psyched up and start yelling at the radio on the way home and the funny thing is, I always, always feel better when all is said and done.

I turn off the radio, take the key out of the car and walk up to my front porch with a smile and a determined look.

It’s a release.  A release that happens because I am an even tempered person 99% of the time.  I let comments at work slide because I know that stupidity is very difficult to fight.  I don’t point out my agnosticism when everyone around me is talking about how the Lord healed their child’s sniffle.

I nod and smile.

I try to keep the peace.

Sometimes this works…other times it backfires and I end up yelling in my boss’s face that her mother needs to get the hell out of the office because she is PISSING ME THE FUCK OFF!

This type of situation usually concludes with me being placed on some sort of prayer list.

Bless my heart.

So I have a theory.  Maybe if I stop trying to be so even tempered all the time and stop worrying about being perceived as a hedonistic bitch, I would be a little more mentally healthy. If I let go and let a comment slide out of my mouth now and again, I won’t have to torture myself into a rage by listening to Christian radio on the way home from work.

What can I say, it’s a sickness.  Some people cut themselves, I listen to Rush.

It’s easy to lose faith in humanity when everyone around you seems to be completely absurd and out of touch with reality.  I think it’s time to let the majority know that we are here. We’re here, some of us are queer, some of us are atheists, some of us are humanists, some of us drink and do unspeakable sexual acts, some of us curse, some of us don’t believe that just because we are human makes us evil, and yes, some of us even vote!  As the pagans say, it’s time to come out of the broom closet.

The ladies and gentlemen around here seem to have an ongoing  love affair with  the game “bash the liberals”.  Little do they know that these very liberal heathens are their neighbors, doctors, teachers, day care workers, chefs, and the people, in general, who keep things running smoothly.

I think it’s time to stop nodding and smiling.

Here’s my challenge to all of you this week.  Do something unexpected.  Hide your co-worker’s stapler. Let that snarky comment come flying out of your mouth and then smile and walk away.  Say something that you know will make someone uncomfortable.  Make a Hitler stick puppet out of the photo of Dr. Broussard on the back of the phone book and start a war reinactment. Do SOMETHING, ANYTHING so that you know that you are not getting caught up in the day to day PC bullshit and that you have not forgotten how to live and laugh and emote and be human.  Just once, be the straw that stirs the drink.

disclaimer: the writer of this blog is not a nazi

This is how I felt the first time I was brought to the piece of  land that would one day be my future home.  It was a place of mystery and seclusion that let me be who I was to the fullest extent of the laws of nature.  A place so unreal that I fully expected a pterodactyl to fly overhead at any moment.

There are places such as this for all of us who are seekers.  Even in the dismalness of Monroe, which a wise friend recently referred to as “the wankerishness of the local aura”, there are places that rise decidedly above the rest.

1. The Moon – A place so named because of it’s landscape and seclusion.  There is no formal entrance, nor is it listed in the phone book.  You just have to be brought there by someone else who wants to share it’s secrets with you.  It is a place to grow and a place to grow up.

2. The Garden at St. Alban’s – I was brought there to light the candle and tell my story.  And to listen.  To take a deep breath and to let go.

3. The Maze – The most “sinister” destination of the three, the maze is usually the first place a young seeker in Monroe is drawn to.  It’s nastiness draws us in and keeps us going back until we find other places that are less populated, more secluded, or we simply get to old and scared to climb up and under its walls.

This place, this town, this aura of local wankerishness is not as horrifying as it sometimes seems.  Where is your hallowed ground?