If you haven’t read the 2010 State of Texas Republican Party Platfrom, then allow me to give you some of the stunning highlights.
We Believe in:
1. Strict adherence to the Declaration of Independence and U.S. and Texas Constitutions. Ok, so far so good. Nothing strange here.
2. Preserving American Freedom and Texas Sovereignty. Again, nothing really out of the ordinary.
3. Limiting the expanse of Government Power. Nothing wrong with limiting government power.
4. The sanctity of human life, created in the image of God, which should be protected from fertilization to natural death. Ok, wait. What?! So, I’m reading this as no abortions. Period. Also, I think they should specify which God they are talking about or this could get this into some trouble later down the road. Should read: God of the King James Bible as to avoid any confusion or lawsuits.
5. Personal Accountability and Responsibility. Good and good. I like both of these.
6. Self-sufficient families, founded on the traditional marriage of a natural man and a natural woman. Anyone else see anything strange about the phrase “natural man and natural woman”? I’m assuming this means that there should be no marriage between transgender folks. WTF?
7. Having an educated population, with parents having the freedom of choice for the education of their children. Nothing too bad here.
8. Americans having the right to be safe in their homes, on their streets, and in their communities, and the unalienable right to defend themselves. I’m actually OK with this one, too.
9. A free enterprise society unencumbered by government interference or subsidies. Ok, a state has the right to do what it wants with it’s own enterprise. Let them rich bastards keep their money. Fine.
10. Restoring American sovereignty and leadership, and we honor all of those that serve and protect our freedom with peace through strength. Nice and fine.
Now, what does all of this have to do with oral sex, Alice?
Let’s keep reading, shall we?
Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA) – We oppose this act through which the federal government would coerce religious business owners and employees to violate their own beliefs and principles by affirming what they consider to be sinful and sexually immoral behavior.
In other words, let’s make it legal to avoid hiring homosexuals. We don’t need no fags working in our places of business.
Neither the United States nor any state shall recognize or grant to any unmarried person the legal rights or status of a spouse. We oppose the recognition of and granting of benefits to people who represent themselves as domestic partners without being legally married.
Wow. Just wow. So not only Texas should ban gay marriage, but the entire United States has to, as well. Also, no domestic partnership rights or benefits of any sort.
Let’s keep reading, shall we?
We support legislation that would make it a felony to issue a marriage license to a same-sex couple and for any civil official to perform a marriage ceremony for such.
That’s horrible.” But Alice,” you say, “you promised me oral sex“. Ok, ok, you’re right. Let’s move on.
We oppose the legalization of sodomy. We demand that Congress exercise its authority
granted by the U.S. Constitution to withhold jurisdiction from the federal courts from cases involving sodomy.
According to Webster, Sodomy is defined as: anal or oral copulation with a member of the same or opposite sex; also : copulation with an animal.
Really, Texax? You want to make oral sex illegal and to make it so that the federal government cannot overturn your law? Really? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING? YOU CANNOT POSSIBLY BE SERIOUS.
And there’s this:
We oppose sale and use of the dangerous “Morning After Pill”.
Texas GOP, you should really have done your research before you added that one in. Not that it would really matter. The morning after pill, in case you didn’t know is actually just a high dose of birth control. It IS NOT THE ABORTION PILL. Also, if you are calling the Morning After Pill dangerous, then you are calling the birth control pill dangerous.
DUMBASSES.
Since I am obviously about to throw up at this point, I’ll just add one more quote.
We support reducing the time, bureaucratic interference and cost of adoption. The law should assure mothers of a choice in selecting a traditional home for their children at the time of terminating their rights for adoption. We oppose mandatory open adoption and adoption by homosexuals.
These fuck ups in Texas would rather see a child stay in a foster home or abusive situation than have that child be adopted by loving homosexual parents.
Nice.
That’s only half of the platform. You can read the rest here if you want. I wouldn’t suggest doing it on a full stomach though.
Just shoot me,
